To Embrace With The Sea
by AsariNotSorry
Summary: Xion, meaning 'devil'. Namine, meaning 'sea'. One would think that the devil could not fall in love with the sea, the most innocent, most imaginative, most beautiful thing not only to see, but hear. The only thing in between the sinner loving the sea is 'land', Riku. Will the poor sinner find love with the sea? Or let the joint in her lips kill her off slowly. Xinami Namixi
1. Letting Out A Puff

**To Let Out a Puff**

I never meant to smoke pot, it just happened. Axel handed me a smoke and under peer pressure and alcohol I took it. I got used to it thought, it became easier to inhale it in and exhale it out. It became a way to get away from it all, from the stress, from the pressure, from life. It became my sanctuary, my peace of mind.

This night was like any other Friday night. Roxas, Axel, and I were in the front of small house, Demyx's house, he invited us to come over to celebrate his now twenty-first birthday. Since he turned twenty-one there was of course alcohol everywhere you looked and everyone all up on each other trying to see if they could just get a taste of sweet sex.

It had been about thirty minutes before Axel pulled Roxas and me to the front of the house for a smoke. I was wearing a baggy tank, something I had become used to wearing. The sleeves hung so low you could see the majority of my side, with some skinny black jeans and a pair of lose combat boots with a black bennie covering up the top of my head but letting my bangs hit my face, I felt like a badass wearing all black. Roxas was wearing close to the same as me except he was wearing a pair of classic black vans and a Red Hot Chili Pepper logo on the front of his baggy tank top. Axel was attired in a black shirt that had a Green Day logo on it but was blocked by a loose red and black flannel with skinny black jeans and a pair of combat boots. We all had gauges, I had a size 8.25mm, Roxas had 10.4, and Axel is at an astonishing 12.7.

"Alright fuckers lets light up!" Axel said with a cocky grin on his lips. Roxas and I both smiled at his comment as we both took a joint and leaning against the front wall of the small house.

I leaned over to Roxas who had brought the lighter as he light both mine and his, he then leaned over to Axel and did the same.

I took a puff, leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes, listening to the classic rock band play through the radio. It was 'Kashmir' by Led Zeppelin, one of my favorite songs. I took another puff, the smoke thickened, I couldn't see in front of me, just a huge thick cloud of smoke. It wasn't until I took my third puff a figure was walking towards us. A beautiful one, body so thin but at the same time so gorgeous. It was a figure by which shape and beauty cannot be described with simple words. Once the smoke from the joint I had in between my thumb and pointer finger had disappeared into nothingness I saw the lovey figure in front of me. Namine White, the quiet one with blonde hair. Every time I see her I feel as if I'm on a beach, surrounded by nothing just me and the waves wanting to embrace my toes that were buried in the white sand beneath me. I had talked to her only once, we were both riding the same bus and there was no more space left for me to sit so I sat next to her. My heart was racing, but I acted cool the entire time. Putting my earbuds in and listening to Holiday by Green Day. She was drawing. As I got off I accidently hit her arm causing her to draw a huge line across her paper. I blushed, "I-I'm so sorry." She just smiled and erased it. "It's fine." She looked up at me with light sea eyes, I blushed harder. I left the bus still thinking about her.

I didn't realize I was staring at her until her plush lips started to move. I shook my head looking down to her worn out high top black converse, her white dress that was right about in the middle of her thigh. Her hair was down and rested on her back. I didn't know what there were talking about until Roxas said "Kairi's in the house." Namine took one nod then started walking into the house. My heart was still racing, my chest started to feel like someone reached inside it and clenched onto it as hard as possible.

Roxas and Axel both knew I was gay, I told them when I was fifteen and they couldn't have been happier for me. Four years later and they still are by my side all the way, and when I told them I had my first girlfriend they were thrilled for me. I was 15 when I had my first girlfriend, her name was Fuu. I had met her at one of my basketball games, she was on the opposing side and as I tried to make a three-pointer she smacked the ball right out of my hand, turned around, and gave me a wink. She was a badass and I instantly fell in love with her. Her hair was about as short as mine but white, her jersey was white and purple for their home team, and her eyes, blood read. The game had ended and we had won, she came up to me as I was getting a huge gulp of cold water.

"You've got skills out there fourteen." She said with a cocky grin. My basketball jersey said fourteen on it, which also happened to be my lucky number.

"You're starting to sound like my coach." I grinned and that was the start of it all, I was with her until junior year of high school. Until, she did the unspeakable. I was driving over to her house like I normally do after athletics. I opened her house door and her a loud and fast creaking noises, I went to the source of where it was coming from, Fuu's bedroom. I opened the door to see two bodies, male and female to be embraced in each other with the male on top. Fuu stopped and covered her naked pale body in the white sheets at the end of the bed. I switched my glace over to who the male was, Riku.

"Xion, this isn't-"

"Save it!" I scream out as I slammed the door behind me and rain out to my car, and with that I drove off. I went to the clock tower where I almost fell of the ledge but Roxas stopped me before I could. He held me through the rest of the day, both of us crying. That was the last I ever herd of Fuu.

My joint was almost gone so I threw it down and rubbed it out with my boots. I had to go see Namine, the first time I saw her my legs grew weak. It was the kind of first love I had experienced with Fuu. I was a little high but not hallucinating yet. Something in my mind told me to go to Namine I love her, I don't know what voices in my head were telling me this but I need to, I have to.

I walked past Axel and Roxas who were in their own conversation into the entrance of the house. I looked around, good amount of people here, everyone was dancing on each other, the lights were out and the only sources of light were from the black lights hanging around in the room. I went over to Kairi, Kairi and I had been pretty good friends, she wasn't as close to me as Axel and Roxas but we had been good friends.

"Hey Kai." I said jerking my head up fast.

She smiled and hugged me, "Oh my god hey! When did you get here?" I heard her nose start sniffing. "Have you been smoking?"

I looked around the room, no sign of Namine. I didn't realize she asked about the smell "Uh maybe like forty-five minutes ago?"

Kairi started looking around where I was looking. "Searching for anyone special?" She said kind of annoyed.

I looked down then looked back up. "Actually yes, do you happen to know where Namine is?"

Kairi pointed me to the kitchen, "Last time I saw her she was in the kitchen talking to Olettle."

"Got it, thanks Kai!" As I was walking off I heard her voice once again, "Welcome Xion!"

I could see Namines blonde hair from where I was standing but she was moving. I rushed to find her, I ran into the small kitchen to find her not there. I decided to grab a bottle of beer while I was in there, I chugged about half of it, I could already feel the affect it had on me. About five minutes later I went around the kitchen to the bedrooms, she wouldn't be here, she's too innocent, but I checked anyways. In one room I heard creeks and moans, couldn't be Namine, I've heard her sweet innocent voice, definitely not her. In another room I heard two people talking, the door was cracked. I peeked my right eye through the crack, I was staring at the back of a man with long white hair. Arms were wrapped around the mans neck, lips smacking could be herd. The lips stopped, a voice spoke up.

"Riku, I don't know about this…" Riku, Land. He's the one that stole my beloved, he just goes after everyone he can. That poor girl, she doesn't know what she's in for with him, heartbreak, just like he broke my heart, he saw my heart with Fuu and fucked my love right out of her.

I took another large sip of the cold beer in my left hand, empty, I was near drunk. The two bodies turned, I could now see the girl in for heartbreak.

Namine. '_No, no… no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!_' I thought. '_No this isn't happening, not again, not now, not ever!'_

I swung the door open, they both looked at me, put my fist behind my head and let it go, hitting the white haired bastered right in the cheek. Namine had her hands over her mouth, I looked over at her. The drugs and alcohol were getting to me, I pinned her against the wall and kissed her hard. I grabbed her hands and pinned them to the top of her head. She didn't kiss back.

Once I left her lips with the scent of beer, tears started running as fast as they could down my cheeks.

"Namine, I love you." I whispered, I looked up at her, her face was pure shock.

I let her hands go and hit the wall as hard as I could with my right hand, bruises already starting to form. I ran, I ran out of that house, Roxas and Axel were still out in the front.

"Xi! Where are you going?!" Roxas yelled out. I didn't say anything. I got in my black pick-up truck, started it and drove off.

Everything happened so fast. I didn't have anyone with me but me and my drunk and high self. "You think you can just take, take, and take?! Well I'll show you, I'll show you how much you've hurt me you cock-sucking fucking bastered!" I increased my speed, I knew exactly where I was going, to the clock tower to just leave my empty heart to die alone just like I will.

"I'll do what should have been done!" I screamed out, swerving around on the road.


	2. Waiting For My Ruca

**Waiting For My Ruca**

I couldn't tell what side of the road I was on. It's not like I cared, I was going to die anyways. The clock tower had been my sanctuary since I can remember. It's where I met Roxas and Axel. They were both eating sea-salt ice cream, I had wondered who the two that always went up there were, I had seen them up there almost every sunset. I decided one day to go explore up there. That's when I met the pair. They were so open to let me join and so friendly, they felt like home, and to this day we still go to the clock tower to eat the sea salt ice cream and watch the sunset slowly go down.

I arrived at the clock tower alive somehow, I parked my car and ran up the stairs. It took a while but I finally made it up to the top. It was windy, pushing my black short hair back, my eyes were probably still bloodshot, but who gives a fuck anymore.

I looked up at the sky, dark swirling clouds were angry at me. "What?!" I yelled out to them. "I am not afraid anymore! I have nothing else to give to you! I have loved and always lost! What's the point?!" I took in a deep breath, still high and drunk I smiled to myself content. "I should have known… the sea would never love the devil, why did I have to be the bad guy?! Huh?!" The clouds then started to growl, I just gave them a grin. "He is land, I am the devil, and she is the sea, which one would you rather be in an embrace with?! Me?! Little devil?!" I took in another deep breath, I could feel the air start thinning out. "The sea is supposed to embrace with the land, they are supposed to collide together after the waves long journey across the world, she finally makes it to shore where she is met with the land and becomes one with it!" Tears started forming up, I lowered my voice a little. "The sea doesn't belong with the master of sin, after the wave's long journey across the world she wouldn't come home to embrace with the devil. That's not how it works…" I started getting loud again. "Why isn't it like that?! Why can't I have a happily ever after?!" The clouds were now pissed at me, they growled with all their might.

I grinned, "Don't worry, this will be the last you ever see of me…" I said as I put my toes on the end of the ledge. My grin faded away to my mouth open a little. I closed my eyes, goodbye.

Instead of meeting the cold hard ground I was met by to arms wrapped around me, tight. I knew who it was. "We've been here before." The voice said, I didn't even realize I was shaking. I looked up at the voice, Roxas.

I laid my head on his chest and he held my head and my back. "I know…" The clouds weren't angry anymore, they were sad, they let out a cry and let the tears out. The clouds tears started to hit me and Roxas. He whispered to me, "Let's go home." Home basically meant the apartment Roxas, Axel, and I share. I felt the tears start to well up in my light blue eyes. "Yeah…" I said slowly, "Okay…"

My high was going down, Roxas left his car at the clock tower and took my truck instead. I curled up on the passenger side and Roxas threw a blanket form the back seat over me. "Thank you." I said quietly.

It took about twenty minutes to get back to our small apartment, I checked the clock, 2:46 AM. Fuck. It's not like I haven't stayed up later, it's just fucking late.

Roxas pulled into the apartment building, he looked over at me. "Don't move, I'll get you."

I watched him get out of the truck and over to my side, he opened the door and picked me up with the blanket still wrapped around me. I held onto his shoulders as he kicked the door. "Axel, it's us!" Axel opened the door and let us in, he stopped Roxas from going any further. "Here, give her to me." I was then switched from Roxas arms to Axels. Axel put me on the couch that could also be a bed. Our apartment was pretty good, it had enough room for all of us. Once you walk in you see Axel's queen size bed, across from his bed is a T.V sitting on a coffee table. A hall that is next to the T.V leads to the living room where there are two couches that fold out into beds, its where Roxas and I sleep. There are a few bathrooms that lead into a hall in the living room. The kitchen hall was right next to the T.V me and Roxas had in the living room

Axel laid me down on my bed and sat next to me, he sighed then grinned. "I herd what happened, and I got to say… that was pretty badass." I rolled my eyes, "I love her Axel, never once have I had a conversation with her but I feel like I've known her forever, Kairi talks about her so much and I feel like I've known her since I was little." Axel wrapped his arms around me and I laid my head on his shoulder. "I know what you're feeling Xi, sometimes I fell the exact same way, I just don't go all badass and hit a guy." I pushed him away as he chucked and sighed. "You know exactly why I hit…him" I couldn't even say his name.

Then everything just hit me, I looked up at Axel with eyes as big as Rikus were when I hit him. "Wait what happened to him?! Did I seriously knock him out?!"

Axel grinned, "Of course not Xi, he has a massive bruise on his cheek, but that's it."

I sighed and looked back down. "What about Namine…" I said as quietly as I could.

Axel sighed, "I don't know what happened to her, I'm pretty sure I saw her leave with Kairi."

I groaned and laid back on the bed, Axel wrapped a blanket around me. "Just go to sleep Xi, it's getting late, I'm going to sleep." He hugged me tight. "Night kid." I smiled. "Night Axel."

Axel got up and turned to Roxas. "Night kiddo." "Night." Roxas replied back

Axel left and Roxas laid down next to me, we both were staring off at the ceiling. "You alright Xi?" Roxas asked after two minutes.

I sighed and turned on the T.V, "Yeah," I paused for a moment. "Roxas?" I asked. He looked over at me, "Yeah Xi?"

I smiled, "Do you remember when we all promised each other we'd go to the beach?" He smiled back at me, "I do remember that."

I turned to my left side to see him staring at him ceiling. "Do you think we'll ever actually go?" Roxas sighed. "I don't know, I've always wanted to but we have to get gas money and get hotel and its juts to expensive you know?" I looked back up at the ceiling.

Different things started rushing in my mind, a mixture of good and bad memories, I got a headache. "Fuck, Roxas can you get me a joint?" I don't know why I asked for one, I felt weird but I've had this urge before. "I think its best you don't, let's just go to sleep." I agreed not to have one, it's for the best. I just needed something to make me feel better.

"Roxas?" I asked as he was about to move to his mattress.

"Yeah?" He looked down at me.

I smiled and closed my eyes. "Thank you." He understood what I meant, at the clock tower.

He laid down on his mattress, "I'll keep you safe, Xi." He flexed out his bicep, in response I threw a pillow at him, "Oh I'm sure you are."

"Shut the fuck up!" Axel yelled out.

Roxas and I laughed, "Fuck off!" Roxas yelled back, we could hear Axel laughed too.

A while later Axel and Roxas were asleep, I had my earbuds in letting the music take me away. 'Waiting For My Ruca.' Came on, I smiled and closed my eyes and mouthed the words.

'On the east side that's where I met my Ramona

"I wanna go to a party", That's what she said

Lonely, that's what I've been here's my telephone number, call me

And to a party, a house party

Whole loop a people just rally around me

And love, she send a message of love

She said, "I love up the way you move, I love the way you rap"

Ramona please step back

Now she's my Ruca, I'm barely waiting for my Heina

She moved from Long Beach down to LA

Right now she's selling oranges by the freeway

I wanna know, Ramona am I the only one? Tell me

And she said, "You're not the only one, but your the best, Bradley"

Now I'm waiting for my Ruca

And I barely pulled up with my Heina

I know tonight I'll be behind her

Don't fuck around with my Heina.'

With the song over, I fell asleep.


End file.
